Ways To Be Annoying

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Drive half a block.
Name your dog "Dog".
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Make beeping noises when a person backs up.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Time For a New Post

Hmmmmmm. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. I am searching. Thinking really hard. Oh, I just strained a neuron. I think I'll have to reboot. Please wait.

Well, the cold weather seems to have broken for just a moment. There are beautiful blue clear skies, warmer temps. I have raked nearly all of the leaves. Of course the magnolia tree will soon shed making the chore begin all of again. That is okay. It is just nice to be able to go out. I know it has been much colder in some the places where you live. But, hey, I never said I was tough.

Sunday morning we had a sick child in Children's Church. It began right before Children's Church. It was prety nasty. I had to detour the kids through the sanctuary to get them by the scene. I went to get the grandparent. I just knew the child was going home. We get started and the next thing I know, there is the child. I was horrified because I was just sick a couple of weeks ago. Where is my faith, huh? Well, it was struggling at that point. I was so scared we were all going to be sick. I anointed everything with clorox disinfectant. Hallelujah! I even sprayed myself down till it ran down my beard. I was just horrified. After Church I told our pastor's daughter that I resigned. It was just too much. Wouldn't i make a great parent? As soon as a diaper needed changed or some mess cleaned up, I woul try to bail.

I know it is different with your own child. I am at the office doing this and there is a customer next door that is telling the longest stroy. It is loud and I cannot concentrate. I think they have been here at least 15 minutes and have not started their taxes yet. I thought I was a bad story teller. This woman is a terrible one. It took 15 minutes to tell a two minute story. I am exausted just trying not to listen. Mercy!!!!!!

I tried to put somethng of some substance in here to put a smile on your face. So smile!

What Day Is this?

My, how quickly time flies. Already days have passed since my non-post last week. Here I am non-posting again. No surely this will be one that you will not regret reading all of. I am once again eating solid foods again. Life is grand again. Isn't that pitiful that we base life upon the meals we eat. No wonder fasting is such a spiritual thing. It truly is a worthy sacrifice. It really does cost something.

Sunday we went over to the former organization. Tabithia and her mother were asked to come sing. So we went there around 4pm. They rescheduled their services so that we could still attnd ours. It was a low turn out really but it was a good place for them to start if they plan to do this singing thing. They actually made a CD recently. This has made them exceptionally hard to deal with. They think they are divas now. They want dressing rooms, they want water...demands..demands...demands. Actually I made all of that up for entertainment purposes. They really did sing at the COGOP. I had to sing a song too. That was a real treat. I don't know how that happened. There was not much response from the crowd aside from the occaisional hand clap.

It was very different to what I am accustomed. The weather has turned wonderful here. It is so warm, so nice. The wind has been rather blustery. Well that is about all that is on my mind for now. Hope you are not too disappointed. Nothing fascinating going on here.

Still Mending

Well, it seems that I am recovering from the Bleuk of last week. Our convention was canceled for today due to weather. I suppose weather there not here as it is nothing but cloudy here. This will be a short post as I am at a tax office and fear someone will come up to my desk thinking I know how to do that sort of thing. I don't like all of those numbers. I suppose that our disaster of a house might get some TLC today. It looks like a spring tornado hit it.

I have nothing to blog about. So I really guess it is not nice to just keep on typing and typing, making you read all the way throught this, thinking it is going to get better but it never does. I have watched movies like that. Someone might say a movie is hilarious. So you watch it and it goes on and you think that it is going to get better but it never does. You won't stop because you think you might miss the funny part until you get to the very end and think you have totally wasted your time watching that stupid thing. That is just time you will never get back. Yep, never get it back. So here you are reading this and it is not getting any better. You think I might have one wise crack at the end that just makes your day. Well, it will just be time that you can not bring back. Nope, never. So really i gues I should stop, because I know some of you are addicts and you will have to read if not have the last word. I will do you the favor.

THE END!

Bleuk!!! Bleuk!!!!!!!

I hope those sound effects are not too graphic. It does speak of the Monday I had. My 13 year streak of no projectile illness ended abruptly on Monday morning. Yes, I am bloging about vomiting. How sick is that? It was pretty sick, just let me tell you. I have some pictures if you would like me to post them. No, really I did not take pictures. We had district convention near Little Rock last weekend. This weekend is the last one for this side of the region. It will be in Missouri. I have got to recooperate some before them. Bleuk!!! Bleuk!!! All of that is over. Thank God!!!!!! Only He knows how many times I cried out His name Monday.

Happy Valentine's Day all. I hope the love of Christ fills your hearts warmly on this cold winter day. There have been some snow flurries here today. I am ready for singing birds and budding trees, blooming flowers and warmer days. Everybody loves spring!

God bless you all!

I Need Something

I need some help and was wondering if any of you might know. I need a picture of Sis. Edith Brown, a very good picture. I have started a BTI Memorial Scholarship in her name. I need a really good picture of her to help boost it. Does anyone have one. I saw one some somewhere before. It may have been in the slideshow for Bro and Sis Pruitt. Can anyone help. If you have something my email address is brojasonmullins@yahoo.com. God bless you all.

Good Graces?

Well I hope that this post will find me back in everyone's good graces since my lack of posting. It has been over a week, I can't believe it. It passed so quickly. I actually have to drive across town to do this at an H & R Block office. There are people outside the door already. They can't see me though. It does not open for another 30 minutes. The phone has rang multiple times since I have been here. If these people had to pay in like me, they would be in no hurry. See you April 15th. So that is distracting. Some people have called multiple times. Do they not know that there is someone in here that is trying to concentrate on a blog. Good grief!!!! Give me a break!!!!

It actually snowed here last week so that kept me out of the office too. Today is Tabithia's 30th Birthday!!! She claims it is her 25th, but I know that we were in the same class in school. Hmmm! What is so bad about 30? I survived it without any real complications. Is it different for women? Older men are considered seasoned, more mature, wiser. Is it the same for women. Why is it so hard to own up to the big 3-0?

We had district convention last Saturday. It went very well. I was in charge of our service last night. There was a wonderful Spirit there. For the altar service, we paired up and prayed with someone. It was a very sweet time of prayer. I noticed that we all tarried much longer. It is good to bear one another's burdens. It was a wonderful service. The message lacked a bit. i don't wnat to seem like I was bragging. God treated us so well last night. He was the one that made it so special.

In the last 3 weeks I was also reading a book which might be why I could not blog. I was reading so much of it that I could not read blogs and stuff. It was the Chronicles of Narnia. I had heard of the Christian imagery in it and wanted to see for myself. So I did and finished the whole thing. Aside from the Bible and other short books, I have never read one that long. There was some imagery that was very good and some things I did not like that well. Overall, I did enjoy reading it. Since I have conquered that long book, I have decided to go bak to another long book I started and stopped on several times.

So that is what I have been doing this last week. I have some great snow pictures of my children (dogs). I will try to get them on here. Well the Blockers are here talking an I cannot concentrate. How rude, them come in their office acting like they own the place. Oh wait, they do. Well I gotta go.